They Don't Do Such Things in London and Paris

Ten things to miss about Dubai:

1. Champagne brunches – that curious fizzing popping sensation of the first few weeks away from Dubai, what is that? Oh yes…, liver function.
2. Looking at the things to do section of Time Out and realizing that this weeks single most important, culture defining event is a mothers and babies brunch in the Springs
3. Random chats with taxi drivers Topic 1: Where is Your Husband? Why I Am Not Yet Married Despite Being In My Mid-Twenties And Therefore Clearly A Long Way Down The Slippery Path To Death
4. Random Chats with taxi divers Topic 2: Where is Your Father? How I Lack A Paternal Role Model And Yet Am Not An Egregious Slut
5. The weekly population migration by which 95% of the expat population finds its ways to Barasti each Friday night. And then gropes each other
6. Regular conversations with girlfriends which start ‘so my boss wants me to be his mistress, and look, diamond tennis bracelet!’
7. More regular conversations with girlfriends which start ‘so my boss wants me to be his mistress, and look, tickets to KL!’
8. Girlfriends leaving on the overnight flight to Melbourne or London, in tears.
9. Postcards from Girlfriends who have sold Diamond Tennis Bracelet, now happily relaxing with pretty Thai boy on Bangkok beach
10. Just the words, ‘Ajman: City of Vice’